At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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