Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
