idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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