first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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