she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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