dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
