I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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