the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize