This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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