I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
