Nicole vs. Life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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