did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
