If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
