I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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