OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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