I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
