And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
