bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
