so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
