tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, beer. Big fan.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
