He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
