that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you had me at cake vodka
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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