She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
