one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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