I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
