i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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