Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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