physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
