Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
