you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
