my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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