Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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