Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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