So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
