best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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