Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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