do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
