even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
