Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
