Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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