Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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