i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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