I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
