I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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