So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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