hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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