five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
