cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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