Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
