FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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