Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
