Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
