I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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