I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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