your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
