Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
