A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there's paper in my vomit.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize