Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sext me about skeletons
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
