I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
