Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
