I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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