No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
