Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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