laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
