I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
