I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
