The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
