i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
