FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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