I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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