Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
