I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
