Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
