I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I did not marry a roomba.
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