You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
