i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
