If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
